Kermit's Porky Fingers

by The Sticky Midgets

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about

The original demos for this album were recorded a long time ago when I was 18 years old. It was the summer of 1996 and I was using equipment I had a loan of from the school.

In 2010, though, I decided to start re-recording them all again. Eventually I got them all finished.

It's all tongue in cheek nonsensical silliness.

credits

released 06 August 2012
All songs written, performed and mixed by Kenny Duncan.

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about

The Sticky Midgets UK

The Sticky Midgets came to life in the summer of 1996 but were hidden away on a tape until 2010 when they finally decided to resurrect theri pointless jibberish.

The ball is rolling and, one day, The Sticky Midgets will be allowed into the rock and roll hole of shame
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Track Name: At The Circus
Everyone goes to the circus, to see the clowns and things,
And if everyone is happy, they shall start to sing,
Everyone loves the tigers but the tigers are not bothered,
If they still lived in the jungle, they would be slaughtered,

(CHORUS) Come to the circus it's great,
Come to the circus it's great,

Come on let's go or we'll be late it starts at five,
But in walks a raving loony then no-one gets out alive,
All the people are sitting frightened and then a tiger jumps,
It eats the loonies head off and burps him up in lumps,

CHORUS
SOLO
CHORUS

Now the tiger he is sleeping and in comes a croc',
It spies the tiger snoozing and grabs it's cock,
The tiger he is wakened and kills the croc',
You would do it too if a crocodile bit your cock,

CHORUS
Track Name: Lesbians
I love lesbians, they love me, come on lesbians, lesbian me,
Lesbian me all through the night, lesbian me 'til I lose my sight,

(CHORUS) I love lesbians, I love lesbians, I love lesbians, I love lesbians,

Tall, fat, butch, slim, I don't really care, as long as they don't look like men and they don't have short hair,
If they look like models, they will do just fine, the more that I can gather, I'll have a batter time,
I like the way they look, hot and sticky too, glistening with sweat, lesbians made for two,
I love lesbians, they love me, come on lesbians, lesbian me,

CHORUS
SOLO
CHORUS
Track Name: The Flasher
They call me "Mr Bananaman" 'cause I wander through the town,
Never with my trousers up 'cause they are always down,
The girls are full of laughter, I think they like my style,
I grin at them and scream aloud "It's the same length as The Nile!",
The law will never catch me, as I can run like hell,
But to stop everything bobbin' around, the sellotape works quite well,
It keeps them where they should be and doesn't hurt that much,
Except when they're caught in a wire fence then they hurt at the slightest touch,

I was standin' by the palm trees, waiting on my chance,
To go pick some bananas, and slip them down my pants,
I climbed them like a monkey and I got two or three,
I was walking through the main street and noticed everyone was looking at me,
It took me a minute to realise, it took me a minute to know,
I didn't think they'd see them, 'cause I didn't think they'd show,
Now my trousers they were all a bulge, and it looked pretty sad,
But I guess that's why the girls all call me "Mr Bananaman",

SOLO

Mr Bananaman, Mr Bananaman, Mr Bananaman, Mr Bananaman,
Mr Bananaman, Mr Bananaman, Mr Bananaman, Mr Bananaman,
Track Name: Heebie Jeebies
Something creepin' in the night, heebie jeebies, heebie jeebies,
Something wrigglin' in my shite, heebie jeebies, heebie jeebies,
Something standin' eating toast, heebie jeebies, heebie jeebies,
Something movin' I think it's a ghost? heebie jeebies, heebie jeebies,

(CHORUS) Is it looking, looking for me? Is it gonna come and eat me?
I see nothing because I can't see, I'm sure it was the heebie jeebies,

Something lurkin' under the bed, heebie jeebies, heebie jeebies,
Something sittin' up on my head, heebie jeebies, heebie jeebies,
Something rattlin' is it a snake? heebie jeebies, heebie jeebies,
Something wrong, that 'ain't no snake, heebie jeebies, heebie jeebies,

CHORUS
SOLO
CHORUS
Track Name: Cheeky Monkey
I like to play games, dress up in womens clothes,
My wife she does not mind, in fact, she does not know,
When she's out at work, I satisfy my day,
By dressing in her clothes and playing the day away,

(CHORUS) Cheeky monkey, cheeky monkey, cheeky monkey, cheeky monkey,

My wife she came home early, and I was unaware,
I was standing by the mirror, when she made her way upstairs,
In she walked and saw me standing in her blouse,
She packed her bags and left me and hasn't been back to the house,

CHORUS
SOLO

My wife, she told my friends, and now I just don't care,
I like dressing up and playing with my hair,
Now I may be a transvestite, to all of you out there,
But I look great I turn myself on and I just do not care,

CHORUS
Track Name: Pixies
Now gather around everybody, there's something I'd like to say,
About some strange illusion, I thought I saw just the other day,
Now this might take a while, but it sure as hell was standing there,
This three inch pixie girl, with lots of facial hair,

(CHORUS) Pixies, pixies, pixies, pixies
Pixies, pixies, pixies, pixies,

Now I got up the other morning, and I was bringing in the milk,
When I saw this little pixie, moving smooth as silk,
At the bottom of the garden, she was dancing amongst the shrubs,
She thought no-one could see her, but she was clear enough,

CHORUS

(BRIDGE) Pixies running up the walls, pixies coming, yes, them all,
Pixies, pixies in your head, pixies creeping in your bed,

SOLO

And when the rains they came, she scarpered in a flash,
Like lightning she was off, in the hundred meters dash,
Now the sight of little pixies, is not to my surprise,
As my brothers ex-wives sister, she was a pixies wife,

CHORUS

SOLO
Track Name: Santa Is Dead
One, two, three, four...

Everyone was happy late on Christmas Eve, they did not know I was coming, to blow them all away,
Santa? He's not coming, that fat old shit is dead, I killed him with some bullets, lodged inside his head,
He was far too jolly, his rosey cheeks turned blue,
The bullets missed a couple of times, and there was silence and I knew,
I'd shot at him again, again and again and again,
For an old man he's pretty agile, but I hit him in the end,

Now I wear his clothes, a cotton beard as well, no-one will even know, 'cause I can't even tell,
I fall down the chimney, land arse first in the fire, I see you sitting and grab my gun and then I open fire,
The slaughter of these people, makes me feel at home,
Lying on the ground with mummies corpse, now the children are all alone,
I make my way towards the stair and I see the light above,
One of the kids thinks I'm Santa but I'm a killer with no love,

Santa is dead, Santa is dead, Santa is dead, Santa is dead,

SOLO
Track Name: I Am Fat
I am fat, I am fat, I am fat, I am fat,
I am fat, I am fat, I am fat, I am fat,
I am fat, I am fat, I am fat, I am fat,
I am fat, I am fat, I am fat, I am fat,

(CHORUS) Fat fucker, fat fucker, fat fucker, fat fucker,
Fat fucker, fat fucker, fat fucker, fat fucker,

I am big and I am fat, a big slobby fucker,
I eat sweeties, Doritos and drink cola and whisky and things like that,
I am fat, I am fat, I am fat, I am fat,
I am fat, I am fat, I am fat, I am fat as fuck,

(CHORUS) Fat fucker, fat fucker, fat fucker, fat fucker,
Fat fucker, fuck off, I'm a fat Welsh bastard,
I'm a fat Welsh git, mother-fucker!

SOLO
Track Name: Nipples
(CHORUS) Nipples, nipples, nipples, nipples,
Nipples, nipples, nipples, nipples,

I am a nipple bold and erect, standing like a soldier I have gained respect,
I point like a finger especially when it's cold, if you control your nipples they'll do as they're told,

CHORUS

This one is all pussy, it tickles a lot as well, but I must not touch it or it shall swell,
They are rubbing off my jumper and they are nippy too, I wish that I had none instead of having two...

CHORUS

Nipples...

SOLO
CHORUS
Track Name: Urine Guru
Urine guru, piss twice the height of you, bladder like a zeppelin, ten litre injection,
Urine guru, record breaking pisser, piss twenty metres without an erection,

SOLO

Urine guru, urine guru, urine guru, urine guru,

Urine guru, wins with no hands, he can face the other way and still hit the pan,
Even from round corners, or even up some stairs, urine guru, everybody stares,

SOLO
Track Name: An Ode To Murun
Here I am, all alone, with no-one to play with me,
I've no friends or family, to kick fuck out of me,

It's a shame, but it's true, no-one loves me,

I am he, the stinky pervert, sitting in an empty house,
No-one likes me, they've bricked me in and I can't get out,

I've no food or anything, I am going to die,
If it's not starvation, it will be suicide,

SOLO

I am going to die, I am going to die, I am going to die, I am going to die...
Track Name: Little Hairy Monsters
Here they come again those feisty little ones, hairier than before 'cause before now they had none,
They told me where they came from underneath the trees, especially the willows where they grow their own tree-cheese,
The toddlers are almost bald and they are really bad, smoking on some substances illegal I might add,
The evil little bastards claimed they were alright, but just look at me now I'm running naked through the night,

(CHORUS) Piddling on this, piddling on that, piddling on everything, piddling on me,
Little hairy monsters, little hairy monsters, little hairy monsters looking for me,
Piddling on this, piddling on that, piddling on everything, piddling on me,
Little hairy monsters, little hairy monsters, little hairy monsters looking for me,

I try to hide from them amongst some shrubbery, I do my humble best to keep them back from me,
I have not been spotted although they're getting close, I have just shit myself but they've got no nose,

CHORUS
SOLO

What will I do now? I can not run away, I'm backed up in a corner, now they'll make me pay,
I jump up and scream at them and they ball up and roll away, I won't be going back to get the same again,

CHORUS
SOLO

Maybe it's a nightmare and they were not really there, how else could they have so much, so much lengthy hair?
Maybe they are out there waiting by my bedroom door, I bet you they will eat me I can not take anymore,

CHORUS
SOLO

Little hairy monsters, little hairy monsters,

Don't go into the forest alone, in fact, never go in it at all.
These things have cannibalistic tendencies, therefore they shall eat you alive.
Do you hear me? Alive!